We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
A+ Viking dick
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
