Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
