I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
