is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
