This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
