Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
