Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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