So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
