no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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