I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
