I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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