All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
