At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
