My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
