When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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