I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
