hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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