if you like me you must not know who I am
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
