Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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