I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
