Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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