I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
COCAINE IS GR8
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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