if i can run in heels then i can drive
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
