he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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