Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
