Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
