i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
