Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
