..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
