I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
