So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
