if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Im part way to drunk.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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