So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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