K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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