I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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