I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Soap is not a condiment
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
