there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
