If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
