i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
