He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
