this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
