It's like God shit irony all over that family
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
