Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
