I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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