How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
