Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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