wrigley field is MILF paradise
my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
