I'm going to jail i love you
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
