u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
