I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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