cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
