you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
