he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You have to summon your inner elephant
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
